Well…. actually it is not. We simply had to ask, “Are we happy? Can we be happy here?”
The cat is out of the bag. We will be moving on now that Chris, Alex and the teams have created a magical destination – we are ready to find something next. Truth is- Chris has been struggling alone for a very, very long time- something pretty posts and pictures do not capture. For the most part, unfortunately, he has been in a system that has made that struggle very lonely- and we see no hope for meaningful change anytime soon.
We count and love the victories – which are many. With the latest covid trends, the stalls in the management overlay getting stratigic things done here (try tying a shoe in Sonoma County with the right permits!!) – Chris is a glorified housekeeper. Granted – the house is amazing – but that’s all there is.
Boo hoo… we are stuck in heaven. As I had climbed my way out of my own depression funk (with the help and support of many others…) it has been gut-wrenching to watch Chris slip into one of his own. How do we know this is right? -The mostly joyful conversation we have had in the last 4 months was one recently where we embraced the uncertainty, decided to trust one another’s guts, and made an exit plan. The terror of the “what ifs” morphed from the excitement of “why not” – and the knowledge that together we can figure it out. If covid sequestered in life-work situations that are unhealthy… what if we just started over? The answer was clear… why not?!
Casa Secoya- it’s complicated. No regrets. We love this project and place- and recently nice people have been coming out of the woodwork to take off the masks, show a covid vaccination and seek friendships. A new crew of friends and family are emerging. I’ve stopped posting and writing about our experiences because for every two joyful encounters, there is one really bad reminder that we are isolated and stuck. It is like eating something tasty that only sometimes gives you an allergic reaction – the best idea is to eat something else. We’re hungry.
Hungry? Nope- not pivoting to another bacon, sourdough (though I have one in the works), tomato or food porn post – we are hungry for work and a living place that provide more balance, more achievable challenges for him (beyond getting the gas or sewer vendors to actaully show up), and more social, intellectual and playful engagement for us. I am so consumed by work and helping here I’m having a hard time maintaing my own mental health practices, let alone help Chris. We are not victims, not complaining, just making choices.
Many, many people have been invested in our happiness, our success and have witnessed this journey with excitement, support and love from near and far. Most do not know the full story, so hence the motivation to post again and with such directness. When do we leave? Soon, but only when the property is ready and when Chris is ready. We’ve not seen his family or most of mine in two years- and our families of choice have been so bunkered down, we find ourselves rebuilding or creating bonds. We are rebuilding on our own terms- opening the sails and letting uncertain winds pull us home, wherever that may be. For me- I’ll be with Mr. Yummy – and home is where the heart is.
Everything else is a bonus when you’ve already been given the prize.