I am working with a common mental health idea that if a problem is socialized, shared, and explored in a community, it can be changed naturally. This is true to for community problems, like the shitstorm of PTSD we have from the Covids. Today was a good test for me, and I got some Christmas cards out the door. I got distracted and delayed on anything strategic I attemped to work on. We decided to be nomads and see what uncertainty would generate. I have to embrace that. Internet connection was crap, so I got jammed up with work. For the first time in this trip, Mother Nature has thwarted our plans – we are stranded in Laramie and a trip through Seattle for play now is at risk. Omicron news is starting to raise flags for international travel- and we are not sure that we will be able to leave once we get into Canada. Is anyone else fucking sick of Covid?
We are grounded in each other and resolute that this time in our lives will mark an important discovery. Discoveries, actually- we hope. We don’t know exactly what we will discover- but we are clear that the blessings of this unique adventure will pave the way for the next phase of our lives. We are getting mildly desperate to be “home”, the cats settle in nicely each day, but are anxious. I am beginning to use them as an excuse to stay put (just not here) They did better today than I did – the day goes on the board as one of those lost days to the blur of “I don’t know” – Can I get online, can we get through the road closure, can we get a covid test so we can get into Canada??? – there is a LOT going down in the next few days and to much of it all we can do right now is embrace the “I don’t know” with the warmth of knowing we will figure it out.
I am desperately stalled at work – a concept that befuddles me. I have always been a Type A and overachieving (near) workaholic. I like getting things done. I’m glad to be merging with people I respect, I am getting a modest payment and salary and will have equity in a new and more lucrative venture. But I’m still stumbling- the stress and fog of the last two years have clipped my ability to focus. Couple that with cat distractions, great streaming content, Fortnite, and social media – and I’m languishing. Languishing – it’s a term related to the experience above described in a podcast Ten Percent Happier and in the New York Time by Adam Grant – It is worth listening to: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html
Are you languishing? What does that look like? How do you cope? I’m staring to work out more (or at all, actually) and drinking less.
My word for this year (2021) – Relentless – did certainly help me get out of my 2019-2020 serious bout of depression. So too did meditation, love, and great friendships. I had a better end of 2020 and 2021 than I expected and better than most- but languishing – has dulled my motivation to fight (relentlessly) for a defogged vision of my happy places – and I have many, many happy places. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy – but I don’t want to continue to participate in the social nature of toxic positivity. Covid fucking sucks. Work is hard. Aging sucks too, so I want to go into the holidays with my eyes open and my heart ready for happy places and faces.
That will make it better in 2022 and empower my word for the year: Unexpected.
Expected. Uncle Randy is a sloppy, happy mess! Unexpected – I never thought my company would be sellable. Expected – despite Covid and the rural isolation of Monte Rio, I remain motivated and ambitious. In 2022 please help me search for and see the unexpected and welcome whatver that brings. Perhaps we will still be in the car – so if you get an expected ring at the door- get ready for the gays and the cats. We have a litter box and like to travel.
We are using my office address for Holiday/Christmas/New Years cards. We will try to do more than stick the card in an encelope and lick it – but please don’t take is personally if we don’t write anything – car writing is not my favorite.
This Christmas Chris and I go back to our core. We have chosen to have a quiet and intentional day- we are planning to sleep in. We’ll video chat with family and friends and embrace what Vancouver offers in the winter.